


Wayward Brits

by Kirito_Potter



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon, Road Trips, The snowbaz is real subtle but they're still together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-04 00:43:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17888270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirito_Potter/pseuds/Kirito_Potter
Summary: They drove in content silence for about half an hour after Simon finished eating. Well, near silence. Penelope tried to bring up something about how Baz should be in the back seat too, “on account of the numpties,” but Baz flushed darkly and honked the horn.Simon started to fall asleep in the passenger seat, and Baz fell into a calm rhythm, occasionally tapping his fingers on the wheel. Behind him, he could hear Penny turning pages. It was calm, and relaxing...





	Wayward Brits

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short ficlet based on the summary we got when preordering Wayward Son! It's now confirmed to be fake, but it got my hopes up for a road trip across America, so I wrote a little bit of that.

When the three of them first arrived to New York City, they were surprised to find that Simon was the one with the least energy for once. He leaned on Baz's shoulder, shuffling along and mumbling incessantly about all manner of things. His favorite phrase quickly made itself known: “Baz, 'm sleepy.” He insisted that he'd gotten no sleep on the flight because his wings had been uncomfortable, and that he needed to take a nap. Baz just sighed and dragged him along.  


When they'd finally made it out of the airport with all their things (one of Baz's three bags had gotten lost for nearly an hour), Simon squinted up at the sky and grunted, “I'd rather London rain than blinding sun.”  


Penny rolled her eyes. “Would you rather we go inside somewhere? I'm sure we could find something to do.”  


He shrugged half-heartedly. “I told you guys I didn't wanna come on this trip. Whatever you two take me to do, it won't change the fact that I'm in America instead of--”  


“Lounging around your flat, giving a soliloquy about how terrible your life is?” Baz snapped, eyebrow raised.  


Simon blushed, ducking his head. “Okay, okay. No need to treat me like we're fifteen again.”  


“Stop whining and enjoy it,” Baz sighed. “In any other situation, you'd be ecstatic to be here.”  


Simon shrugged again. “I think the thing I'm most excited for is when we make it to Micah in Texas.”  


Baz smiled a little. “There, see? What excites you about that?”  


Simon looked up sharply, eyes glowing as a wicked grin spread across his face. “I'm excited to see your posh face under a cowboy hat.”  


Penny burst into snorting giggles. Simon's cackles were accompanied by uncontrollable wing flapping. Baz could only bluster and gape. (“I-- I would never--”)  


Once their laughter died down, though, Simon fell back into his disinterested state.  


He slumped into Baz's side and pouted softly. “Let's just to to the hotel.”  


Penny pushed her glasses up her nose. “Is it possible you're so grumpy because you're hungry?”  


Simon perked up a bit at that, but not much. “I didn't eat on the plane,” he agreed. “And food never hurts, I guess…”  


She nodded. “Maybe eating will bring your energy up past Baz's, at least?”  


He nodded reluctantly.  


Penny led them around the city for a few blocks, and what little Simon could feel of his legs before quickly dissolved into mush. He was on the verge of giving up when Penny sighed and turned to him and Baz. “I have no idea where we are,” she admitted.  


Simon groaned and looked around for somewhere, anywhere that served food they could afford. A bright red umbrella caught his eye, and he tugged on Baz's sleeve. “Isn't that a food cart? There, on the corner.”  


Baz frowned. “You want to eat something from there? It's probably crawling with disease.”  


Penny made a noncommittal noise and walked up to the cart. “Hullo,” she said.  


The vendor nodded. “Hey. You here for a hot dog?”  


Penny glanced back to Simon, who shrugged yet again. “Yes,” she decided.  


“Alright. What do you want on that?”  


Penny looked confused, an unusual sight. “Uh… surprise me?”  


He nodded and prepared the hot dog. He drenched it in some unfamiliar green goop and held it out to Penny wrapped in a napkin. “That'll be two fifty.” He raised an eyebrow. “In dollars.”  


She paid the man and thanked him, then brought the napkin over to Simon. A bit of the green sludge dripped onto the pavement.  


“What is that?” Baz gagged.  


“The bottle said relish,” Penny said, trying to smile.  


“Well, then,” Simon replied, taking the hot dog, “I'll relish it.” He carefully wrapped his hands around it, trying to find the best angle, and took an enormous bite.  


He moaned. Actually moaned.  


Baz stared, horrified.  


Simon swallowed hard and laughed, eyes bright. He was suddenly so much more alive. “Merlin's beard!” He grinned, and took another bite.  


In less than a minute, he was wiping relish off his mouth with the back of his hand. Baz opened his mouth to reprimand him, as he already had a napkin, but Simon licked it right off.  


“Merlin's Beard,” Baz echoed, disgusted.  


Simon giggled, cheeks flushed. “I get it now.”  


“Get what?” Penny asked.  


“I've been seeing this as some boring trip,” Simon chuckled. “It's way better than that. It's an all-you-can-eat buffet.”  


The next morning, Penny stopped to buy Simon another hot dog before they started their drive. He ate loudly as Baz drive out of the city limits, smacking his lips and sighing happily every few seconds.  


“I'm shocked,” Baz offered as Simon paused to suck some relish off his finger.  


“What do you mean?” Simon asked before taking another large bite.  


“I didn't see you as the type to have an affair.”  


Simon choked, coughing violently. He managed to swallow and gasped out, “What?!”  


Baz glanced to him with a hurt expression. “You always say Watford's scones are the love of your life, and yet here you are, making love to a soggy hot dog.”  


Penny snickered in the back seat, and it took Simon a moment to understand. When he did, he gave Baz a little shove, laughing.  


They drove in content silence for about half an hour after Simon finished eating. Well, near silence. Penelope tried to bring up something about how Baz should be in the back seat too, “on account of the numpties,” but Baz flushed darkly and honked the horn.  


Simon started to fall asleep in the passenger seat, and Baz fell into a calm rhythm, occasionally tapping his fingers on the wheel. Behind him, he could hear Penny turning pages. It was calm, and relaxing, and--  


_Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want! _  
__

__Baz jumped in his seat, turning to look. Simon was grinning, hand on the radio dial.  
_ _

__“No,” Baz monotoned.  
_ _

__Simon pouted and turned the dial.  
_ _

__

_I threw a wish in the well, don't ask me I'll never tell. _  
__

____

___“NO.”  
_ _ _

_Because you know I'm all about that bass. _  
__

__

___“Simon!”  
_ _ _

___Simon pouted and turned it off, leaning back in his seat.  
_ _ _

____Baz let out a long, slow breath and relaxed. Back to calm silence.__  
And yet, only five minutes later--  


_Mmmbop, ba duba dop. _  
__

__

___Baz growled, fingers tightening on the wheel.  
_ _ _

___“I still don't think you should be driving,” Penny called from behind them.  
_ _ _

___“Because I'm distracted?” Baz snarled. Eyes on the road. Eyes on the road._  
__

____

__

___“Because you're gay.”  
_ _ _

___Baz nearly crashed into a light pole._ __


End file.
